so yesterday night a few hours after we met and parted ways,
he said he missed and didnt want to sent me off
how am i supposed to react?
he said he wanted to date me and stuff but its impossible
seriously what the point of telling me all that?
its only going to make it harder for me.
if you really meant it, you should have told me to stay when i said i was leaving but you didnt
i thought i didnt meant anything much to you and thats why i said there's no reason for me to stay
telling me all this now...what exactly do you want me to do?

after what seems like a long time finally met up with Sangbeom
the last time i met him i wasnt actually pleased cause i hate it when he is drunk and act all weird making me confuse
truth be told was kinda pissed with him for quite a while
even yesterday while texting i kinda threw all my anger at him
i think its just me trying to get away from him
im leaving anyways and getting closer wont do me any good
i guess this way i can just leave without any lingering feelings
so today mark the 2nd last time we'll be seeing each other
at first was to have singapore food for lunch but i had been craving for indian food for so long
i was so happy to eat something that wasnt korean
it was so delish
the taste still lingers in my mouth till now
thanks for the nice treat today eventhough i was picking out your bad flaws
by picking out his bad flaws i guess we can just naturally part ways
no more longing, no more wanting for text
i think i kinda became a pro at forgetting someone
it gets easier everytime
so i guess the next time i see him will be on his birthday...

i was browsing through facebook when something caught my eye and made my heart race.
his friend uploaded a picture with him on it.
at that moment all the anger i felt back then just came back.
what did i even see in you?
i must have been blind back then.
then a few minutes later guess what...
he called.
he freaking called!
after so long.
something i thought that would not happen... happened.
right after i saw his picture!
is it telepathy?
the weird thing is...
or should i say the annoying thing was...
i couldnt get angry with him.
we spoke like nothing had happened
so i asked why. why did he do that do me.
i know the answer but i just want to hear it from his own mouth.
i can now confidently say.. i have no feelings for that jerk anymore.
i think we can be good friends though since all the feelings had be sorted out.
i told him i want to meet him before i go...
dont know whether that will happen cuz he is not the type to keep promises..
even if we cant meet no worries cuz i wasnt expecting it anyways.

i've pick out a date.
30 april.
i'll be home.
i want to leave earlier but i want to celebrate someone's birthday before i go.
if you ask me what's our relationship i would probably say...
friends when sober
lovers when drunk
honestly, i dont know what going on.
when i first met him a year ago, i was actually smitten by him.
he took good care of me, buy me meals.
and then we just lost contact.
not until a few months ago he added me on facebook and that was just it.
and then one day i suddenly got a call.
i just finished work,tired to the max,snowboarded the day before and met a freaking jerk the night before.
probably one of the worst day in my life.
when the call came, i was hoping it was someone else,
someone who owe me an apology and i might even forgive if he gave a good explanation.
but then its was him... someone who did not even cross my mind.
met him for supper.
he changed.
no longer the person i had a crush on.
put on weight, no more six pack.
well.
i changed too.
lose a lot of weight, korean got better.
when we used to meet back then it was so awkward cause my korean was shitty and so was his english.
come to think of it...there was never really any real conversation back then.
when we met again this time, everythings so different.
saw his druken side too many times and i dont know if anything he said then was legit.
he did said some weird stuff, stirred my heart a little.
but eversince the last guy, my heart have been shut tight.
in the end me and korean guys, no future.
no matter how you think about it, its impossible.
they play around with me and i play around with them.
it works both ways.
till the day i leave, i just want to leave you with a good memory.