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.Masita | 마시타

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Sunday, October 27, 2013 Sunday, October 27, 2013
you'll never know what will happen.

If I have to choose a word that describes me best, I would say im RECKLESS. Its funny how I go from not interested to head over heels and then realising that wasnt it either. In my 24 years of life, i have always confessed to a guy when I feel like im in love with them. Of course I get rejected most of the time but I never learned. So the never learn my lesson me made the big confession to my so called best friend. As soon as I texted him, I knew that was the wrong move but when I think about it again its good that I confessed cuz the feelings I had just dissappeared. I guess it was just an illusion. In korean there's a word called 금사빠남 which means a guy who falls easily. I guess im the female version. I fall fast and deep but get out even faster. And this brings me to my next problem. A few weeks back the secondary school mates created a chatgroup and started talking to those people who I have not met in years eventhough we live around the same area. The girls meet up often and one of them have been having matters of the heart problems with one of the guy. So me being the busybody that I am decided to 'help' her. It started off innocently. Just what do you think of her? If you are not interested just say no and dont beat around the bush and keep her waiting kind of conversation. I should have stopped there. We should have stopped there. But we went too far. It started off as a joke but I feel like im digging my own grave. Is he still joking around or maybe he is like me? We tell each other things like you flutter my heart I was still taking things with a pinch of salt till yesterday when we met. How can he look straight into my eyes and feel nothing after all that flirting. Eventhough we did it as a joke at first I think we are taking things too far. When the bunch of us was talking about the things that girls like, I said instead of material goods I prefer little notes with sweet words and at that very moment you took your phone, wrote something and showed it too me. When I read what you wrote, my heart was beating so hard it feels like it was gonna explode. 'Hey gorgeous, you complete me.' It made me wonder if it was a just a joke or there was some kind of truth behind it especially when you refuse to show the rest what you wrote. As unlocked my house front door,I saw you at the corner of my eyes and as the lift's door closes, u gave me that wink and my leg just turn jello. Since your bestfriend told me you never text any girls first and so far ive been the one to text u first, I told myself... if I dont receive any text from you, I would just give it up and think of it all as a joke. And very surprisingly, u texted me when I was getting ready for bed telling me to watch soccer. And so I did. It felt like we were watching it together. How did you go from a classmate I knew from pri 5 all the way to sec 5 to a guy that is exactly my type. In the 7 years that we see each other everyday in class,I never had a crush on you and now im telling myself how did I missed out on a guy like you? And next week you are sailing off for 8 months. Without any form of communication for, I hope you wont forget me and our dinner date set for when you're back. Bon voyage, take care and think of me from time to time.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013 Tuesday, September 10, 2013
my sleepless nights.

Eversince the day you told me you broke up with her, ive been having sleepless nights. Truth be told. I was glad But that doesnt mean that i was hoping for it You looked so happy that u was happy for you but at the same time i thought of what could have been. It was selfish of me. You had no idea did you. I wanted to make us work when i came back but... Lets just say the timing was wrong. The thing with us is that we dont even meet often. Just as good as strangers but i just feel close to you. When we met coincidentally yesterday... I thought it was meant to be. Maybe it was just me. I mean we havent seen each other for almost a year and as soon as you told me you broke up with her We met. I want to believe that it was fate. Was it? Its not that i didnt loved you. I did but i didnt know it back then. I just fell deeper when we were apart. Its that even possible? I know its too soon for you to move on. But can you give me a second chance? You loved me once can you love me again? This time round i will love you more.

Friday, March 15, 2013 Friday, March 15, 2013
재수 없는 놈.

I know whats wrong with me. Its you. You motherfucker son of a bitch. Wait till i get my hands on you. The devil of all jerks. How much i hate you cant even be written in words. Is this how you repay me after all the kindness and help ive given you when you told me you wanted to die i should have just told you to go to hell instead of stopping you and crying with you Precious friend my ass is this how you treat a friend? By betraying them over and over again? ive been so nice to u. I bet no one have treated you the way that i do and this is what i get i swear you are going to fail in life with that attitude of yours no one is gonna respect you. Oh i pray to god. You are gonna get what you deserve. I wont be surprise if you rot behind the bars What u did to me i bet u did to someone else too. What u took from me wasntt a lot of money but it means a lot to me cuz i worked my ass off unlike you who cheat people of their money U think i didnt know you use my money my cards but im not stupid as you i know whats going on. I was nice like that but im not nice anymore after what you did u said im not the person you thought you knew Thats exactly what i want to say. U fucking jerk return my money before i get super nasty. I quietly patiently waiting for me money back while saving money to get back to korea i swear.. Im gonna search the whole korea if i have to to get that measely amount back. This is not being pathetic dont forget i know where u live i know your school i know your friends i know your bank account heck i even know your mum's phone number i wont even be sorry to tell your parents what you did u frauder so while im being nice return me my money back

Monday, July 09, 2012 Monday, July 09, 2012
안녕..

Im finally getting over him Now that i think about it... There is not one thing that is good about him the other he wanted to borrow money and thats the reason he was beibg so nice me being the kind person that i am lent it to him of course i know i wont be getting it back its not the first time he borrowed money from me ill just think that i lost that money 잘먹고살라 내돈으로재밌게놀라 그돈잃어비린셈칠게 굿바이 한국은다시갈건데널다시안만날거야 절대

Monday, June 11, 2012 Monday, June 11, 2012
어쩌라고.

stop confusing me.
just as i was on the road of forgetting you just have to ruin everything.
slowly im becoming cool of our relationship.
since you make me feel like im a friend, fine i will treat you as a friend.
no more thinking about you 24/7 no more getting jealous of little things..
cuz you are not mine..never was.. i was just a plaything for you when im bored.
alright i accept that cuz it was my fault for playing along.
now that im not bothering you anymore, not contacting you anymore and finally making myself believe that everything you said was a lie and was just a druken stupor, you came running back.
why now.i was about 99% done forgetting you. and now with those 3 words im back to square one.
damn that 3 words that melts me.
i dont know what is it about you.
no are not someone i would want to spend my life with.
you are hopeless.
someone who makes the person next to you suffers.
just a bad guy. 나쁜놈이다.
someone i know i would hate.
but somehow...
말도안되게...
나도사랑한다고말하고싶었는데참았어...
its not that its a burden..
the thing about me...i fall too easily..
i dont really know my heart..just show me a little concern and i will be all over you.
do i really love you or its just what my head wants me to feel.
but then again why am i thinking so hard for.
it totally impossible between us.
i wanted to erase you and go back to reality but now you make my heart move again.
damn i already wanted to start anew and think of everything as a dream.

Tuesday, May 08, 2012 Tuesday, May 08, 2012
im no idiot.

i really should not facebook before sleeping.
most of the time, i read what i dont want to and see what i dont want to and become angry which lead to insomnia.
yesterday was no different.
he uploaded her picture on facebook.
what the hell.
you promised me not to meet her and then do this.
pshh.
its like straight to my face.
and you bothered to ask me whats making me unhappy.
the answer is you.

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

갑자기 기분 나빠졌네.
나도 모르겠지만....뭐가 변했어,
나 지금 너 모르는것같아...
너 나 버리면 나 진짜 죽어버릴거야...
나 이제 살기도 의미 없어,
항상 사람들이 나 쉽게 버렸어..

Saturday, May 05, 2012 Saturday, May 05, 2012
나도 사랑해...

내가너귀고리도사주고 밥도사주고 다해주고싶었는데 너 택시에서그냥보내서 미안해섭섭하게생각하지마.. 너랑같이내렸으면 너보내기싫어서 꾹참고 그냥택시에서보냈어 나너진짜헤어지기싫은데너거절안하는데 휴 싱가폴 돌아가도 나절대잊지마 부탁할게 그리고 건강하게잘지내 가끔씩 내생각도해주고~ i love you

Saturday, April 14, 2012 Saturday, April 14, 2012
just pretend.

so yesterday night a few hours after we met and parted ways,
he said he missed and didnt want to sent me off
how am i supposed to react?
he said he wanted to date me and stuff but its impossible
seriously what the point of telling me all that?
its only going to make it harder for me.
if you really meant it, you should have told me to stay when i said i was leaving but you didnt
i thought i didnt meant anything much to you and thats why i said there's no reason for me to stay
telling me all this now...what exactly do you want me to do?

Friday, April 13, 2012 Friday, April 13, 2012
sudden craving for indian food

after what seems like a long time finally met up with Sangbeom
the last time i met him i wasnt actually pleased cause i hate it when he is drunk and act all weird making me confuse
truth be told was kinda pissed with him for quite a while
even yesterday while texting i kinda threw all my anger at him
i think its just me trying to get away from him
im leaving anyways and getting closer wont do me any good
i guess this way i can just leave without any lingering feelings
so today mark the 2nd last time we'll be seeing each other
at first was to have singapore food for lunch but i had been craving for indian food for so long
i was so happy to eat something that wasnt korean
it was so delish
the taste still lingers in my mouth till now
thanks for the nice treat today eventhough i was picking out your bad flaws
by picking out his bad flaws i guess we can just naturally part ways
no more longing, no more wanting for text
i think i kinda became a pro at forgetting someone
it gets easier everytime
so i guess the next time i see him will be on his birthday...

Wednesday, April 11, 2012 Wednesday, April 11, 2012
what kind of coincidence is this...

i was browsing through facebook when something caught my eye and made my heart race.
his friend uploaded a picture with him on it.
at that moment all the anger i felt back then just came back.
what did i even see in you?
i must have been blind back then.
then a few minutes later guess what...
he called.
he freaking called!
after so long.
something i thought that would not happen... happened.
right after i saw his picture!
is it telepathy?
the weird thing is...
or should i say the annoying thing was...
i couldnt get angry with him.
we spoke like nothing had happened
so i asked why. why did he do that do me.
i know the answer but i just want to hear it from his own mouth.
i can now confidently say.. i have no feelings for that jerk anymore.
i think we can be good friends though since all the feelings had be sorted out.
i told him i want to meet him before i go...
dont know whether that will happen cuz he is not the type to keep promises..
even if we cant meet no worries cuz i wasnt expecting it anyways.

Monday, April 02, 2012 Monday, April 02, 2012
i want to write about you but..

i've pick out a date.
30 april.
i'll be home.
i want to leave earlier but i want to celebrate someone's birthday before i go.
if you ask me what's our relationship i would probably say...
friends when sober
lovers when drunk
honestly, i dont know what going on.
when i first met him a year ago, i was actually smitten by him.
he took good care of me, buy me meals.
and then we just lost contact.
not until a few months ago he added me on facebook and that was just it.
and then one day i suddenly got a call.
i just finished work,tired to the max,snowboarded the day before and met a freaking jerk the night before.
probably one of the worst day in my life.
when the call came, i was hoping it was someone else,
someone who owe me an apology and i might even forgive if he gave a good explanation.
but then its was him... someone who did not even cross my mind.
met him for supper.
he changed.
no longer the person i had a crush on.
put on weight, no more six pack.
well.
i changed too.
lose a lot of weight, korean got better.
when we used to meet back then it was so awkward cause my korean was shitty and so was his english.
come to think of it...there was never really any real conversation back then.
when we met again this time, everythings so different.
saw his druken side too many times and i dont know if anything he said then was legit.
he did said some weird stuff, stirred my heart a little.
but eversince the last guy, my heart have been shut tight.
in the end me and korean guys, no future.
no matter how you think about it, its impossible.
they play around with me and i play around with them.
it works both ways.
till the day i leave, i just want to leave you with a good memory.

Sunday, April 01, 2012 Sunday, April 01, 2012
생일축하해..잊어버려야되는데..오늘만..

Tuesday, March 27, 2012 Tuesday, March 27, 2012
finally.

finally.
i made up my mind.
i was lying in bed thinking...
what the fuck am i doing here?
why am i suffering when i can be at the comfort of my own house.
i dont have to worry about food.
i can eat whatever i want.
i dont have to feel cold.
i dont have to feel lonely.
yeah sure i do have friends.
but its so different from talking to my sister every night before we sleep.
more than anything else, i really miss my sister a whole lot.
i love teasing them and irritate them all the time.
eventhough i say im loving all this freedom but who the heck am i kidding..
i want to be nag at, at least i feel that im loved.
be nag at when im not eating
be nag at when im home late
be nag at when im just lazing out at home.
here...im just staring at the four walls talking to myself.
it feels so depressing.
i eat on my bed, i read on my bed, i use my computer on my bed
so unproductive.
its sad to eat alone,
its sad to have nothing to do,
its just sad.
i wont say i regret coming here...but it would be better if i was a little prepared.
i met some good friends, had great happy times, sad times,did some things that i wasnt supposed to do.
heartbreaks here and there.
its a life experience..i can actually write a book
how many people can actually said they lived overseas before?
previously i did want to leave but i dont want to
cause as much as i love my family, i did have some precious people that i dont want to leave behind.
but finally...now i feel i can leave.
no more lingering feeling.
i dont know what im going to do when i get back but at least i wont get hungry.

Saturday, March 24, 2012 Saturday, March 24, 2012
so many things happened since then

So many things happened since the last post
The guy who i thought was going to be the love of my life fucked up
And i almost believed him,almost loved him
In the end looks really does matter
Sorry theres nothing i can do about it
After wrecking my brain to figure out how i can stay here even for a few months more,
It doesnt really matter anymore does it?
I really should have just left then...

Meeting you was the biggest regret of my life and it led to an even more regrettable things
A couple months ago i met the guy who i first met when i first came here
Out of the blue he came back and is messing around with my mind
What kind of friend calls you out at night just to see your face
What kind of friend come to see you at 5am in a druken state and cry in front of you
What kind of friend says they miss you even if we just met a day ago
What kind of friends are we?
I dont want to think about it cuz it will make me confuse
Im gonna leave
Im not going have any lingering feelings when i leave
So dont even say you miss me like me love me drunk or sober..
Cuz im gonna leave this place coolly..

Thursday, January 12, 2012 Thursday, January 12, 2012
it is save to say that you miss me?

and the unexpected happenned again.
he called again.
everytime when im about to give up waiting..
he just appear again.
i guess its good to to not care as it will make him go into a panic mode i guess
maybe...
i mean, if he call me that means he miss me right?
he doesnt have a freaking phone and he knows my number by heart to be able to call me.
it means that he is still thinking about me right?
and he keeps saying that he wants to go to singapore, maybe study in singapore
what does that means?
he even wants to meet my friends, talk about going to my house...
what does that mean?
i dont want to think to much but...
heck.
im not going to think about it!
he said he can meet me next week.
tried not to sound too excited but i think i sounded a little too eager.
damn.. calm down!!
i dont know..
i dont know...
lets just wait for his call~
anyways after all the stressing after studying like crazy,
its amazing how he makes me feel all nice warm and fuzzly inside.
i dont want to admit this but i actually miss you kim tae woong.

Thursday, January 05, 2012 Thursday, January 05, 2012
you.

i was sleeping and.....
태웅 called
just when i thought i dont care
i was so happy to see his name on my phone screen
i thought i was dreaming
but it was true
i think about him now and then
not the kind that makes my heart beats so fast that its going to burst
but just about the good times we had
im glad we are having this relazing comfortable relationship now
instead of that period of time when i was so obsessive and wanted to own him
i regret burdening him and arguing about it all the time
now we are back to the first time when all we do is talk and laugh
a whole lot
this is much better than hearing i like you and saying it back.
i like this better,if only i can see your face...
you said maybe you forgot my face and that made me sad for a moment
cuz i will never forget your face!!
HHMMMPHHHH! {>-<}
Nahhh just kidding
I wont forget your face cuz i have your picture!! :P

Thursday, December 29, 2011 Thursday, December 29, 2011

Finally sort out my feelings
Surprisingly it wasnt that hard
This time round it only took two weeks for me to come to my senses
And finally had the talk with him
Yeah we have no future
I know that too
But thanks for being honest with me
And thanks for that little bit of feelings that you had left for me
Thats the greatest thing you can do for me
I think my feeling for you is gone
My heart dont beat that fast anymore and I dont think of you at all
Ok maybe that is a lie
I do think of you sometimes but its only about the fun times we had
Im glad that I dont burst into a ball of emotions during the one hour talk that we had
That clearly means I dont feel for you anymore
Like we talked about we are better off friends
Maybe less than a lover and more than a friend
I bet you are going forget about me and i will do the same
Today is going to be the last time that im going to miss you and call you
You said you will call but i dont think that will happen
It was great while it last and good luck for your exams and I will do great on mine too
Our ending wasnt perfect but it was good enough
At least we laugh while we say goodbye
태웅아~ I regret meeting you but I was happy.

Friday, December 23, 2011 Friday, December 23, 2011

태웅~ i miss u..

Thursday, December 22, 2011 Thursday, December 22, 2011
is it me?

do i think too much?
sometimes i think i do but...
there's a reason i feel uneasy all the time.
i cant seem to trust that easily.
he says he like me,
sometimes i feel it too but when he dont call me even for one day
i always feel that he have just forgotten about me..
is it just my insecurities or its ok to feel this way?

i think i like him a whole lot,
never felt like this since that guy
maybe the first time i like someone this much.
i NEVER am the one to call first.
i dont even call anyone but when it comes to him i even dared to call his home.
Taewoong~~ what did u do to me?
my heart beats so fast when i think of you that it feels like its gonna burst.
i want to stay in korea forever because of you.

you keep telling me how much u like me and even
talked about our future and sometimes i believe that u are really into me
but at times like this when u dont call me,
i feel like im nothing to you.
so what am i to u?

Thursday, December 15, 2011 Thursday, December 15, 2011

I feel all weird yesterday and kinda become that kinda clingy girl that guys hate
i asked him what am i to him
clingy much!
i thought he would run away and i felt uneasy the whole day
being the clingy person that i am i called him
it would be easier if he had a freaking phone but he doesn't
so i had to call his home which makes it more difficult!
i think his sister answered and i just stoned
when i heard his voice i just feel at ease..
i was so fucking emo
i was trying so hard not to cry when we were talking about our honest feelings
but i just couldn't
now i know how it feels like to like someone
it feels horrible!!
talking to him just make me feel at ease
i love talking to him and im not even someone who have a lot to say
anyways my heart feels like it was going burst just now but after talking to him
i feel so warm and fuzzly and can sleep in peace now~

Wednesday, December 14, 2011 Wednesday, December 14, 2011

얼마 전에 좋은 남자를 만났다
나는 모르게 걔를 너무 좋아해졌다
미칠 도록 좋아하는 것 같애
난 시간이 별로 없어서 고민하고 있어
더 이상 그 남자 좋아하면 사랑이 될 것 같애
진짜 안 되겠다
그만 만나고 싶은데 하루만 걔 목소리 안 들으면 마음이 더질것같애
내가 어떻게 해야지?
그 남자 계속 만나고 싶은데 우리 미래 없다
내가 한국 사람이라면 얼마나 좋다
이 느낌 오래만이다
걔한데 나를 좋아하는게 정말 말 못한 만큼 고마워
태웅아~ 너를 만나서 진짜 행복지만 무서워
난 나를 무섭다고
이 느낌 무서워...

Sunday, November 27, 2011 Sunday, November 27, 2011
oh come on masita.

im angry at myself.
i should forget whats not mine, whats never mine, never meant to be mine.
im angry.
for wasting my time on that person.
im angry.
after all these time,
all these time!
i thought i forgot
but my heart still ache, tears just flows when i see his face.
im such a hopeless idiot.

you look so happy.
i wonder if i ever made you happy?
probably not.

Thursday, November 24, 2011 Thursday, November 24, 2011
like omg!

" Occupation: student(wat else!!!!)
More about you: well i'm the average teenage drama queen....serious in skool but wacky at home....i love to act in front of the mirror but getsscared on the stage.... "i live 4 myself.."
Interests: my fav colour is green....my favorite books are those from lemony snicket......i love listening to good charlotte, hilary duff, craig david..... basically i love reading to books that hav suspense..... i also like to listen 2 all types of songs except 4 techno.... i love roller bladding n playing badminton i love designing n hopes 2 be a fashion designer one day....."

like oh my god!
i didnt log in to MSN for ages and as i was browsing through some stuff,
i found the profile that i wrote ages ago!
maybe when i was about 15 or so!
so embarassing OMG!
i cant believe i wrote that!
oh the nightmare!

Saturday, September 10, 2011 Saturday, September 10, 2011
im still in a state of shock.

I cant believe that he dumped me!
OMG I should have dumped him first!
Its frustrating, damn frustrating
More than being heartbroken,Im angry super angry!
I have ZERO interest in him at first.
Even when he ask me if i wanted to date him i was just okaayyy
Im not crazy about him at all!
Fuck you!
Why did you even kiss me in the first place making my heart confuse?
The first time i asked if you dont need me you just say it you should said it before i fall deeper!
When u didnt text,I shouldnt text first
Now im the big fat loser here!
DAMN YOU YOO JINHO.
I thought you could make me happy.
Turns out, you are just one of those jerk.
Congratulation you've got me fooled.
And what a better timing to dump me.
Right after my mom death anniversary.
I hate September.
Wake me up when september ends.

Sunday, August 28, 2011 Sunday, August 28, 2011
enlighten me please.

so just one week ago you were so in love with me and now that love is gone?
i feel like an idiot here!
in the first place i dont even like you that much!
i feel so used.
so URGHhhhh!
what did i even do wrong?
yeah you are busy and stuff but hey cant you even afford one msg a day?
im not even the type to send msg first but i threw away my pride because i wanted to make it work for once and i dont want to regret being to hard to get.
now that it turned out this way, i dont think my heart can handle anymore heartbreak.
its disappointing, i thought this would last cuz you seemed to like me a whole lot.
YES A LOT!
seriously, if you have no time,lost interest or dont need me,just say it!
i can just throw you away to be honest cuz i dont really feel for you.
so just say the magic word and take me out of this misery!

Sunday, August 21, 2011 Sunday, August 21, 2011
my boyfriend. 20.08.2011

so after living here for 6 months, i finally got myself a boyfriend.
a KOREAN boyfriend that is.
so do i like him?
i dont know,
maybe all the recent heartbreaks i had just made me said yes.
he's lovely.
"우리 예쁜 마시타,우리 귀여운 마시타"
i loved it when he said that.
진호, maybe i will grow to like you a lot in the future,
just give me some time alright<3

Wednesday, August 10, 2011 Wednesday, August 10, 2011
and it all crumbles down.

yeap i was right, that girl is his girlfriend.
its fine... i think i was just confused for a while
now when i see him there's still some sparks but its weaker than before
i swear by next week, this weird feeling is going to be gone forever.
and im never gonna see him ever cuz next semester he is gonna be in the afternoon class with that girl.
i still strongly believe that they just met in the bus that day.
why? cause i observed him like a stalker from the start and they look like they dont know each other at first.
whatever that girl look like a bitch.
she was so bitchy to me that day.
whatever, hope u are happy.
thanks for making me happy for that short period of time.
i hope you were sincere then.

Thursday, August 04, 2011 Thursday, August 04, 2011
QUIZ DAY!

So today was the much dreaded quiz day!

Have been worrying about this a whole lot.

Thank god its over and ChunMei and I got 2nd and 3rd out of the whole level 2 students!

GREAT!

Didnt even think we would reach this far!

To the extend that we were fighting each other!

HAHAHA.

It was war to answer the questions!

Well today the guy face looked so gloomy...

And i was worried! Me! Worried about someone! Pssh! That rarely happened!

Asked him whats wrong and he just answered with a smile that nothings wrong.

He must think that Im a busybody!

And even gave him some drinks.

GOD IM SO SMITTEN!

I should confess after this semester is over so i can move on!

Or i'll be stuck forever!

On a brighter note..

Going to 동해 tomorrow!

Hoping to take some nice pictures!

Weather please be nice cause i dont want my picture to look gloomy!

Wednesday, August 03, 2011 Wednesday, August 03, 2011
i knew you would laugh at me!! ahahah

After the long break,(okay fine! only 4 days break! but its longgg to me!)

Finally back to school and he didnt come to class for 2 days so that makes it a week that i dont see him!

Yeah absence make the heart fonder..yadayada..

I miss him like crazy like OMG!

So yesterday he came to class like 2 hours late and I just feel so happy to see him.

Suddenly the dark gloomy weather turned bright!

When our eyes meet, my heart goes 두군두군

There must be something really wrong with me!

I dont really fall for someone this easily!!

But the during reading class, our teacher asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said maybe!

Truthfully speaking i heard my heart shattered!

DANG! I guess im not good enough for him. Haizz

바보 처럼 좋아했어...너 진짜 대단해..

I really shouldnt ignored him before!

When he ask me out for lunch previously i should just have said YES!

When he ask me to call him Oppa i should have just done that!

This is what they call, hate can turn to love! (ok love is a bit too much! maybe just like!)

Now my heart is in a turmoil because of him!

While studying for our Korean Quiz, ChunMei asked me who was making me feel this way and..

She said she would never have thought I would like him!

Yeah.. who would have thought..

Thank god!

It means I wont get caught by other people! It would be so embarassing!!

I really want to change my seat in class cause he have caught me staring at him a LOT of times!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011 Wednesday, July 20, 2011
its going to end soon.

so my 6 months here is almost up and i'll be staying here for another 6 months.
most probably be back next february.
have to start planning what i want to do when im back.
its kinda sad to know that its going to end soon.
but its going to end somehow.
i have a life here and i dont think its going to be easy but while life here is still not that serious i should pack my bag and go.
the longer i stay here, the harder its going to be.
starting tomorrow im going make full use of my time here!
its going to start from bringing my camera everywhere and taking lots of picture!!

Monday, July 18, 2011 Monday, July 18, 2011
im sorry dad.

just got off the phone with my dad.
sometimes i call him because i miss him and want to talk to him
but it always ends up me asking for money.
the reason i called today was because of my dorm fees and i have contemplating to call him..
i had to get it done somehow and the due date is early next month.
im gonna be so screwed if i dont.
sometimes i feel that coming here was a very bad idea cause im not from a rich family like most of those china kids.
its just that my dad gave me hope first.
he told me he had some money.
i saw that money but somehow a few months before i left the money was gone.
thats when i know im doomed.
i dont know how but truthfully i was dissappointed.
its like something else is most important than his daughter's happiness.
i may sound like a bad daughter but this is how i feel...
sorry dad for trying to live like a rich kid and going overseas to study
i'll make it up to you someday.
I SWEAR.

Monday, July 18, 2011
is this some kind of fate?

so yeah today was supposed to change seats.

have been sitting next to 그 남자 for 2 weeks straight and really wanted to change seat

cuz its kinda awkward between us and to be honest im kinda angry with him.

he acts like there's nothing between us when obviously there something and he is ignoring me and making me a fool!

so how our seat is arranged is by drawing lots.

when the teacher reached me there was only two choices left and i made my choice and opened up the paper.

i was no.2

so i turned to him and saw him paper no.3!!!

which means he is still beside me!!

seriously what are the odds??!!

there's 15 people in my class and for the 4th week i'll be sitting beside him!!

Sunday, July 17, 2011 Sunday, July 17, 2011
lazy sunday.

cause when your heart is broken.
you just wanna laze around and take pretty pictures.
but i look like an idiot instead.
the idiot who fell for the wrong guy.

Saturday, July 16, 2011 Saturday, July 16, 2011
im just so sensitive these days.

so yeah.
still no msg from that guy.
im moving on to the next guy.
we are going to watch a baseball game at the end of this month.
its your lost.

Friday, July 15, 2011 Friday, July 15, 2011
i get it,just friends...

cause he dont even bother to send me a message today,
while i threw away my pride to send him a message yesterday and the reply was lukewarm.

this is frustrating.
he obviously had all the time in the world today.
how i know?
cause he went for the field trip and the trip takes 3hrs to and 3hrs fro.
thats 6 hours of free time altogether!

i dont know why im acting like this.
its like i like him more than he like me.
SHIT!
he's not even anything special.
not that goodlooking.
not tall.
skinny.
not korean!
younger than me!! (the thing i hate the most)

so after flirting to death with me,
you just dump me aside?!
UrghhhH!
and i just chucked a korean guy aside for you!
oh the horror!
this is like part 2.
dejavu :(

Thursday, July 14, 2011 Thursday, July 14, 2011
what is this....? are we or are we not?

yeah so the day after the msg exchange,
its back to school.
i thought he wasnt coming to class and was relief for a while but...
at 9.20am he came!
and my heart goes 두근두근.
it was so awkward i think it was unbearable to watch
and to make things worse his seat is next to me!
we didnt speak for an hour or so.
just looking at each other was so awkward!
thank god i understood chinese a little bit cuz this is what he said to his friend
"she didnt even looked at me the whole day!"
i think he was just as confuse as me.
so what is the status of our relationship?
as time passed it got better but still awkward...
haiz...
AND Chunmei dropped a bomb during reading class!
I WAS SO FREAKING EMBARASSED!!
so our teacher ask that guy if he had a girlfriend...
그 남자 : 아마
선생님 : 아마 우리 어학원 있어?
춘매 : 네! 우리 어학원 있어! 우리 반에 있어!
I swear my heart just dropped and i think my mouth dropped too.
Ultimately my name just came out and while we were busily denying everyone else was clapping hands and saying congratulations!
It was so embrassing somehow.
I mean we dont even know the status of our relationship.
Even if we were dating i dont want people to know...
WHY??
BECAUSE HE JUST FREAKING BROKE UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND A FEW WEEKS AGO!
Its not even a month.
I know his ex-girlfriend and everyone knows that he just broke up with her!
His girlfriend is still upset over the breakup(how i know?all thanks to her facebook post!)
And i dont want to be the reason they broke up.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011 Wednesday, July 13, 2011
are we? are we not?

its so frustrating when you dont speak the same language.
so are we dating now?
i dont think i can face him tomorrow...
i bet i will be bluushing like crazy.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 Tuesday, July 12, 2011
is this how a heart breaks?

did something stupid yesterday night.
viewed that guy's picture on facebook.
so he have a girlfriend now.
never thought that he would still have an effect on me but boy was i wrong.
seeing those pictures just shot a bullet through my heart.
i know that exaggerating but i think if i were to be shot by a bullet it would feel like that.
but congrats anyway and you look happy.

and to add salt to the already painful wound,
received exams result today.
i did so badly that im so ashamed of myself.
if only i could dig a hole and bury myself i would.
today was difficult day.
i cant even concentrate in class.
just wanted to cry and let it out...
and to make things worst,
he didnt even come to school today.
i dressed up so nicely for nothing.
i guess i no longer motivate him to come to school no matter how hungover he is.

나쁜 남자!
난 너 좋아해!
몰라? 바보 아나니?!

Monday, July 11, 2011 Monday, July 11, 2011
what is this feeling?

as i've mention im going to start blogging again after exams so...
mid-terms ended today and it was difficult!
SUPER DUPER.
wells its over anyways, nothing i can do.
after that had lunch with classmate.
chat a LOT!
those guys are super talkative,
진짜 여자 처럼! 아이고!
When karaoke-ing after that with Chun Mei and the 3 boys.
its like we have created a new clique.
after karaoke-ing went to play pool.
i SUCK big time like usual!
after 5pm the 3 of them left and there's only me and that guy.
i dont know what wrong with me but i seem to be attracted to him.
he is so cheesy and stuff but he makes me feel so happy.
like im special.
nobody have said to me that the reason they came to school is because of me.
but it seems like he is not interested in me anymore after i played too hard to get.
dude make up your mind!
if not im just going to move on.
im not playing the waiting game anymore.
dont want to be the fool anymore.

SHIT I think I really really like this guy.
like him enough to ignore korean guys.

Saturday, July 09, 2011 Saturday, July 09, 2011
Han river at night.

so had a 'date?' with a korean guy i just befiended.
yeah it was great...
walked around his school, had dinner and went to Han river.
that place is a couple and dogs paradise.
i cant stand the environment to be honest.
but he's a nice guy.
he knew im scared of dogs so he 'protected' me from them.
from time to time i can feel his hands on my back.
avoiding me from the druken ahjusshi.
yeah and we played with fire crackers too.
just the kind of thing i want to do with my boyfriend if i had one.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011 Wednesday, July 06, 2011
OMG i need to wake up.

it seems like my heart is being shaken by that guy.
why am i so weak?
i've only known him for like 3 weeks or so.
omg dude stop flirting with me cause i cant help but flirt back.
its okay i have a date with a korean guy this saturday!
i hope he'll get out of my mind.

Monday, July 04, 2011 Monday, July 04, 2011
already been 4 months...

i almost forgot that i had a blog when i just blogged like a few months ago!
reading back old post makes me think that its good to keep a blog.
was reading all my post and god... TEENAGE ANGST!
and why is so many post about that guy?
its like my life revolves around him.
maybe when i get even older and read back all my post i can somehow know how i lived my life?

right now living in Seoul... it may seem all glitz but truthfully its hard.
im not alone but im alone...its that kind of feeling if you know what im talking about.
To simply put it...its LONELY~ (starts to sing 2NE1's lonely~~)
frankly speaking the people i miss the most is my family.
never would have thought i would miss them so much but being far away makes us even closer.
And the most difficult thing of course is money 돈!!
my family is not rich and i cant afford to play too much and its difficult.
I want to have fun to but.. wells
those lucky rich china kids...~

yeah and right now im studying level 2 korean and its a bitch!
why is it so difficult?
and with the guy sitting beside me who keeps bothering me non-stop... its so hard to concentrate!
DUDE do you like me or something?
wanna date? yeah sure since im so bored anyways..just wait till the exam is over!
i want to do well but its getting so difficult and i have exams on friday!
GREAT!
im gonna fail and get deported back to singapore by my dad! HAH!
i really wanna stay here till next year at least...

Tuesday, June 14, 2011 Tuesday, June 14, 2011
22nd!

So the day before my birthday,

My BFF celebrated my birthday with me eventhough she was uber busy.

I was really touched that i had tears in my eyes!

I thought it was going to be a lonely birthday this year with friends and family so far away.

So 선아야! 진짜 고마워! 사랑해 친구야!

ps, i love the candles. why dont we have those in Singapore?

Saturday, June 11, 2011 Saturday, June 11, 2011
another outing.

Sujin introduce me to one of her friend Chanju.

We went to an old prison.

It was kinda eerie i must say.

But its such a nice place to take pictures!

Ate lunch and they bought me a small cake!

Its a mini early birthday celebration.

Thanks guys!

It will be a great birthday!

Saturday, April 23, 2011 Saturday, April 23, 2011
Another amusement park.

Went to another amusement park the day after Everland!

It was kinda last minute.

Sangbeom just sent me a msg in the afternoon saying that the weather was great and he doesnt want to waste the day studying!

So i lazily got out of bed and met him.

Seoul Land is kinda old school but it such a nice place!

I LOVED IT!

However the NICE weather turned EVIL!

It was so fucking cold i think i turned blue!

He was kind enough to take off the extra shirt he was wearing and lent it to me!

Thanks!

I could have died!

but... i would go there again in summer!

definately!

Friday, April 22, 2011 Friday, April 22, 2011
Everland.

Went to everland.

But it rained the whole freaking day.

Cant even take all the rides!

What a waste.

Picture didnt turn out great too because of the gloomy weather.

Plus it was COLD!!

If only we went another day it would be great :(

Saturday, April 16, 2011 Saturday, April 16, 2011
i should take note of the train timing!

Took Randolph and friends shopping and met Sangbeom after that.

Was happily chatting and eating ice-cream without taking note of the time!

Alas, it was midnight when the ice-cream shop have close.

And shit there was no more train.

Thank god Sangbeom took me home or i would just have cried till the next morning because i dont know how to get home!

ps, on a side note..i love BASKIN ROBINS!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011 Tuesday, April 12, 2011
벚꽃.

Went to see the cherry blossom before class at Children's Grand Park.

Since it was a weekday morning there's no one!

Wohoo!

But the cherry blossom have not fully blossom yet!

Nevertheless it was pretty!

Friday, April 08, 2011 Friday, April 08, 2011
first class outing.

Watched a play called 'Miso'

Its one of our cultural classes so the whole 어학원 students was there.

To be honest, it was boring!

Went to a palace nearby.

After that went to an Uzbekistan? restaurant as suggested by the guy from the other class.

REGRET!

Should have just went to a korean restaurant.

It was so overpriced!

Then had ice-cream. DELISH!!

In the evening met Sunah for dinner.

Exhausted.

Thursday, March 24, 2011 Thursday, March 24, 2011
memories.

From time to time I miss that person who used to be my best friend.
I still cant figure out what actually happened but its such a pity.
My whole chunk of teenage days was spent with her.
How we used to change our clothes once we exit the house.
How we used to wear the same clothes went we go out.
How you used to love pink so much and i used to love green so much.
Once in a while I would smile to myself thinking about you.
Its like breaking up with a boyfriend that you love so much.
We didnt even say our last goodbye and you didnt even get to see me wearing the boots you got me as a birthday present.
Now that Im so far away there not even a chance for us to bump into one another on the streets.
Nur Syazwani Rauzan' I miss you..I really do.

Sunday, February 27, 2011 Sunday, February 27, 2011
it was so difficult.

i never thought i would cry that much but i did.

Saturday, February 26, 2011 Saturday, February 26, 2011
no more free entry to USS!

working at USS have been quite an experience.
in the future when i go to amusement park i'll make sure i behave cuz the guest drive me nuts all the time!
thanks to all hunters for all the wonderful time i had while working with you guys :)
it was bittersweet i must say.